The Day

I can do many things well enough, but few things outstandingly. One talent in particular that I lack is the fancy-talking. So I can't write about all the layers of emotion I feel today and all the big thoughts that are going through my mind. Luckily, I know you're all right there with me, and I don't have to explain. And I'll let a picture do some of the talking.

so

my mother is twittering.

Pointless complaint

The guy upstairs, despite being very normal and friendly in person, is an email jerk. I bet he doesn't even realize. But every email he sends is bossy and curt. A couple months ago he sent around this email saying "whoever has been using the trash cans please put them out on trash night." Whoever has been using the trash cans? Do someone people not produce trash? Do YOU not produce trash, dude? Really? Kudos, buddy. Whay to be green but seriously. CHILL. Last month he was really irritable because some tradesperson still had his phone number and not mine (I am currently serving out my sentence as building president) and kept sending increasingly short and snippy messages about it; like, whatever, dude, I have given them my number and honestly is it that big a deal if they call occasionally? Just tell them sorry wrong number, right? And now today he is emailing me telling me I need to thank the snowblower guy. Ok, on the face of it that's reasonable but then wait hold on a second--if you feel grateful to the fellow just say thank you. Don't email someone else to do it for you. You're going to leave it up to me? And anyway it just seems bossy. Tellin' me what to do. I am not a fan.

He's a nice guy in person though, like I said, so I find this baffling.

Facebook continues to jump shark

I've mentioned before that facebook is not as cutting edge as I once thought
but seriously
my grandmother just friended me

The real reason the churches resent Darwin

On Sunday mornings before noon, the Harvard museums are all free. Free I tell you! So that is where you find us, along with half the toddler population of Cambridge, at the Natural History/Peabody complex.

Harvard's Museum of Natural History galleries (and the upper floors of the Ethnography museum) have been largely untouched by modern museum practices. They do not have carefully curated, minimalist exhibits with guided learning. They have huge glass cases stuffed to the gills with dusty, musty, sawdust-leaking taxidermy surrounded by mothballs. And it is fabulous. It is like a big, indoor, dimly-lit zoo where the animals all hold still to be observed instead of hiding behind trees. The hippopotamus is cracked at the seams but it doesn't keep a certain someone from sprinting toward it yelling EPPAPAMUS!

There are some corners which have been slightly updated, though, including the Hall of Vertebrate Paleontology (DINOSAURS! RAR!), and they have a jolly crew of volunteer interpreters--elderly people and teenagers--who follow you around eager to share their knowledge. It's the same folks every week and by now they recognize us. They know that I will stand about five feet back from the Pet A Live Giant Millipede table while Mr. Fearless will elbow aside four 8-year-olds in order to get a front-row seat. They read nature stories at 11 and they have dinosaur teeth you can touch.

I don't think that much of the educational bit is sinking in with the boy at this point; he's just as interested in sitting on the benches in the hall of birds to watch big kids go by as he is in looking at the specimens. He has his favorites though--the aforementioned hippo; the moose; the yak; and of course the monkeys. He seems to like pretending to be scared a little; he kept insisting that a monk seal (whose glass eyes actually give him a goofy aspect) was going to bite off his arm. Whatever dude, that seal has been dead since 1911.

If you're looking for a place to go on Sunday mornings that isn't a religious place, can't get much better than this free, fun, and mildly creepy joint.

junk solution

If you have junk to be rid in a great hurry of may I recommend the Free listings on craigslist. Last night I posted this and within ten minutes someone had claimed it. Faster than leaving it on the street on trash night! Less fussy than Freecycle! I also received twenty other inquiries, one "WTF?" and one "Don't lose heart, Jesus loves you."

To sum up, craigslist is hungry for junk.

Where to even begin

Hey! As these children are warehoused in residential facilities and group homes and/or shuffled from one overcrowded foster home to another I'm sure they'll be thinking "Thank Jeebus at least I'm not being cared for by a single person or a gay couple!!! And thank the Invisible Pink Unicorn my abusers voted to keep it that way!!!"

I effed up

forgetfulness and 'someone else will do it' disease have conspired to leave me newspaperless today. I've been to all the all night drugstores and grocery stores and all the street boxes, obviously they are all gone. do you think people will sell them on ebay??

The Story of Chicken Nugget

When I offer the boy chicken he says:
"chicken NUGGet!"

I must state for the record that although he has had pizza, french fries, ice cream, and sour patch kids he found on the bookshelf, I have never offered him a chicken nugget. He has obviously been frequenting the late night drive through on his own time.

I told my parents this and they thought it was funny.

Then my dad created a chicken nugget recipe extra crispy, froze the chicken nuggets, obtained dry ice, and my mother is driving down this weekend with chicken NUGGets. While it is not the only excuse she is using for doing so (something about canvassing New Hampshire for Obama), I believe it may be a factor.

Who are these people?!? If I had requested a chicken nugget as a child they would have said "Eat your meatloaf."

PS McCain can kiss NH goodbye if my mother is out there pushing Obama. She cannot be stopped.

Quiz Time

What do these three items have in common?








Answer:
If you are nearly two, they are all pronounced "FUCK".

Yeah, you lazy bums, wake up and get to it

Me: Mustache and Gramma have to leave. They have to go home.
Kid: Why?*
Me: Well, they have lots of work to do.
Kid: Why sleeping?

*the endless WHY has arrived.

File under D for Duh, Dumbass

O RLY?

I'm not saying health insurance companies are dumb, but....

My child (<2) today received a letter informing him that a good way to prevent asthma attacks is to quit smoking. It's never too late to quit smoking.

The fun is over

Recently joined Facebook, but now the relatives have found me. Topics now off limits to me on there are: politics; swearing; the existence of this blog.

CURSES!

OH SNAP!

OD: Am I cute?

Boy: No! Mama cute. I cute.

(he and I can agree to disagree, though)

TM sarah palin

From now on when I get treated bad or dissed in any way due to Teh Gay, I'm going to say "I'm feeling kind of tolerated right now."

I hope he's right.....

All You Need To Know: Anagram Edition

SARAH PALIN
=
SHARIA PLAN

fyi.

Humorous Anecdote

Child: Want Elmo! Want Elmo! Want Elmo!

Me: (oh hell)

MIL: What does he want?

Me: He wants to watch Sesame Street. Do you get PBS?

MIL: Do they still have that show?

Me: Oh yeah.

MIL: They make new ones?

Me: Yep. Plus reruns. It's a big hit.

MIL: Do they still have Big Cock?

Me: mphgh?

MIL: Big Bird. The yellow chicken.

Me: Yep.


And with that, I leave you with this youtube video, in which Big C. and his sidekick Snuffleuphagus are two of the bitchiest sarcastic a-holes you went to high school with.

Laziness in photo form!

At Gramma's house, I can eff with the violin? RULE.
AND throw things at ducks??
(I'm selling this one to the New York State Milk Board for ad campaigns)

Can't tell if he likes corn or not...

I dub thee...sir chicky
He's saying "DONKEY! EAT IT!!!!"