lookout folks

dipshit award goes to

this windbag

pity party!

Once upon a time,

I turned 30 and my friends of 12 years forgot/secretly hate me and didn't call.

The end.

another non-story:
I have known Octuplet Dazzle for 12 years! holy crap that's a long time!
we did not meet cute or anything, folks. sorry no adorable stories.

Six Jobs for which I am supremely unqualified: A Tour Through Craigslist

1. Professional Livery Driver

2. Scandinavian Male Voice Needed

3. Christian Elementary Schoolteacher

4. Problem Wildlife Technician

5. Tree Climber



6. Cartoonist (see above)

AH MAH GAH

Did everyone else know this already? Jenna Bush 'wrote' a novel?

You Guys!
You didn't tell me!

Here it is

Seriously, how racist awesome is this going to BE??

COMEDY GOLD, PEOPLE.

Oh also have you heard the rumor she's pregnant? That's what I heard, mum's the word.

livestock at the fair

AAA! What the hell is that??



OMG Don't FEEED IT!!



seriously, I've never seen him look so worried about anything!
scary sheep!

boom! crash!

Do you ever miss trainwrecks.org?
I do.
It probably adds to my negative karma, but that shit cracked me up.

there was kind of a trainwrecks-esque incident at work. It involved the company's fancy fenway box, raffled tickets, important customers, and a stern all-desks memo about proper behavior. All of which probably adds up to about .12 blood alcohol. I still don't know who though!

It is funny and would be funnier if it didn't mean that now I have NO chance of every winning the tickets, whereas before it was just a wee chance. Boo.

If you feel like freaking yourself out

Apparently I do, cause I find this kind of satisfying.
Emergency Procedures brainstorm

Perhaps I have a latent survivalist tendency. Though you won't catch me peering through binocs at black helicopters or stockpiling shotguns.

Emergency	Plan
Bridges to Cambridge are blocked while I’m at work	Steal boat from boathouse
Political coup or martial law declared nationwide	Drive far north as possible, hike into Canada
Floodwaters rise forcing us and neighbors to third floor landing	Someone can stand on my shoulders and break skylight to get us up to the roof.  Probably third-floor neighbor mom lady, since she weighs about 85 pounds.
Blizzard, hurricane, power outage etc make baby formula, diapers unavailable	Formula=melted ice cream from all the thawing freezers in town; I can totally DIY some diapers out of bedsheets or something.
Aliens invade and enslave human race	Head for woods; live in cave while developing toxin to kill aliens
ENP destroys all electrical equipment	Camp stove; candles; carrier pigeons
Twilight zone scenario where I’m the only person left on earth	mmm…shit…this one sucks….I’d probably head straight for the ol’ pharmacy for a handful of night time stuff.
Zombies	You kill zombies by shooting them in the head.Duh.
Ice-9	Make some snowshoes, bundle up, burn proof pages for heat

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Tiredness makes it incredibly hard for me to focus on anything. Sometimes at the beginning of a task I have to write down the steps while I still know them, so that I don't end up staring at a pile of pages, trying to figure out where I was when I left off, or doing the almost-panicky thing I do where I compulsively click through every open window on my screen looking for an entry point back into whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing.

The brain, it cannot keep track of itself lately.

Among topics that would be amusing if I had an attention span > 3 seconds

-member of my family who buys into 9/11 conspiracies, to my embarassment
-my attempts to hack a not-cheap baby product that turned out to be WAY lamer than its price suggested (maybe I'll leave this until I've successfully improved this sucker)
-how old and lame I've become, that I turned down an invitation to a very fun evening with some of my favorite people because of my bedtime

There. I've bored myself to sleep.

Baby Loves Bhangra

He does, he danced very energetically at India Day yesterday. In a sea of cute kids he was certainly cutest.

Why dont' they make such pretty and cute clothes for boys though? no fair.

We have these cats staying with us, that we are babysitting. It was for someone I don't know very well. She left them on July 2, they were supposed to stay for five weeks until she came back.

It's not such a big deal that they've stayed longer, but it is a big deal that she hasn't called or anything to say when she will really be coming. It turns out that I don't like all cats as much as I liked our old cat. These two are destructive! They rip shit up and they knock stuff down. They seem friendly but it's not a nice friendly...I call the girl one Bitey.

So this woman who owns the cats, she hasn't responded to my messages.
If she doesn't come back, hey, Free Cats for first taker!

ooh, selling out

MotherTalk book blog tour:
Maximum Ride 3: Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports
By James Patterson

Once, many years ago, Octuplet Dazzle and I went on a trip with my parents. We each brought a handful of paperback books of airport quality, that we could read, trade, and then dump in some hostel in South America. One of these books was a James Patterson work, the title of which escapes me. It dealt with a kind-hearted veterinarian who encounters a group of genetically engineered children on the run from the Bad Scientists. The children, luckily, have an advantage, in that they can fly. It got sillier from there.
This was easily the worst of the entire batch of pretty lousy books on the trip. We may have traded it for a cup of coffee in Baños. Sorry, coffee vendor.
Well, at some point Patterson must have realized that even for weary travelers and people stranded in airports, tales of flying children were kind of a stretch. But the idea must have seemed too good to drop entirely, as the scenario has been tweaked and rebranded and turned into a series of books aimed at children, who presumably don’t balk at the idea that “recombinant DNA” results in children who can fly (and read minds!) And this novel is just bursting with themes that appeal to kids: Kids Alone In the Woods, Kids vs. Grownups, Loyal Friends.
The execution is strained, however. There’s a feeling of self-consciousness running through the book (to the point of having the narrator-heroine chastise the reader for starting with the third book in the series). There is also a kind of gimmicky ‘blog’ aspect introduced by one of the characters. This fourth-wall-breaking doesn’t really add much to the tale, though I laughed out loud at the ‘blog comments’, which were authentically spelled.
Past all these awkward details is a standard adventure with plenty of sci-fi elements, a band of righteous kids, and some super-super-super-villains. The story is frequently violent and I have a feeling that this series is more popular among boys than girls, despite the central character being a girl. In this respect, it’s a bit unusual--books aimed at boys almost exclusively feature boys in key roles (think CYOA books). Max, the heroine of this series, exhibits virtues generally tagged as ‘male’, though, such as toughness, aversion to tears, distaste for ‘mushy’ feelings, and physical strength, which tells me she has probably been written to appeal to boys.
And appeal she does, as the Maximum Ride series is tops on many bestseller lists. I suspect the readers overlap with fans of Eoin Colfer’s fantasy novels. If you’ve got a ten-year-old, you probably don’t need to read all these reviews anyway: you’re probably drowning in Maximum Ride titles already, and will be shelling out the clams for movie tix in 2008. It’s already a successful franchise, and I’m sure Patterson sleeps on a giant pile of hundred-dollar bills, but its shelf life is limited, and I don’t expect your grandkids to be reading this series.

Possibly I could swim to work.

Good Morning. I already had an intense fear of bridges. Now it may slide over to "crippling". If you are on the red line today and see someone swaying and humming while hyperventilating with their eyes closed tight as you're pulling into Charles, say hi!

Jokester

Not Exactly Stephen Colbert, but it played well to the crowd.

Now, almost anything will make him laugh. Tickling. Dancing. Jumping. Words beginning with 'B'. But this was the first time I noticed that he created a joke of his own. He was sitting in his crib drinking his bottle. We were gathered around trying to convince him that yes, it was indeed bedtime and he hadn't had a nap all day so what the hell? He was ignoring these reasonable pleas, sucking on the bottle and chattering away. I opened my mouth and he reached up and stuck the bottle in my mouth and laughed SO hard.

A much better milestone than dumb old teeth, right?

It's Business Candy

how early is too early to eat the vendor candy out of the proof packages?

I've been here since 8.

If that makes a difference.

Secret message for fellow nerds:
OMG 38h40m!!!!

Baby's Social Calendar

There was a funeral last week, and a wedding this week, and in another couple weeks is the great-grandparents' 60th wedding anniversary. We're logging a lot of carseat miles lately. Also becoming familiar with all of New England's rest areas. (Maine? could you please get some damn coffee? We are tired)

If you try to sit the kid on his butt, he stiffens his legs so he can 'stand'. Maybe he likes being all tall (all twenty-six inches tall) and looking around like the big kids. Speaking of big kids, he cannot get enough of them. And not just because they don't know the rules about no cookies for babies.

See him break it down with Gramma.

The State

I know I don't blog about the baby much. Why? I dunno. He's always on my mind.
Here's the status

-he sits
-he claps his hands with glee
-he strums the guitar (the one that the burglars missed! ha! suck it, burglars!)
-he drinks from a glass if you hold it
-he wakes up throughout the night demanding food
-he rejects his crib
-he laughs all day
-he pulls hair
-he pinches faces
-he waves his right hand in an adorable manner
-he eats gallons of yogurt

oh my gosh! I have arrived!!

I got my first ever jackass commenter!!!

oh my gosh!
I can't believe it!
I am a Real Blogger Now, baby.

hee!

Oh I also wanted to point out this quote. The writer looks to the future with a wonderful sense of optimism and promise:

"It is only a matter of time before a same-sex couple married in Massachusetts finds a federal judge prepared to rule that under the US Constitution, their marriage license must be granted ''full faith and credit'' by every other state. Same-sex marriage will be the law of the land."

Thanks Jeff Jacoby! May it be so and in our lifetime!

heh!

reports greatly exaggerated

So I envisioned an all day vigil and shit. with dickering and filibusters. etc.
Instead I clicked over to the webcast and heard Murray say, "The speaker will call the roll,"

And then

pulse a racing

I listened and ticked off the NOs. 34!
And then, the machine vote began
(MUCH less dramatic, any screenwriters, take note, always use the roll call verbal vote in your movies)
And then...

it was over!

so quick. And now we have until 2012 at the least to just live, and breathe, and not worry. I would say I'll sleep better, but I definitely will not and for an entirely unrelated reason *cough*babykicksalot*cough*.

Anyway, I must thank the no voters, and I can even muster a little nod in the direction of the bathroom breakers who did not vote. Whatever it takes.

ConCon: Con Comme Un Sac des Marteaux

Just brushing up, in case we have to move to Canada.

For everyone on the edge of their seats, yet still trapped in their seats by the iron fist of Summer Hours, a list of the liveblogs of le concon con.

some dude's blog
bay windows
TV!