Friday, October 29, 2004

So that's why everyone who calls is an elderly red-stater

Apparently William F. Buckley Jr. endorses our product in his autobiography.


Monday, October 18, 2004

justin timberlake, you suck

Dear JT,
You probably get a lot of mail, and probably most of it is spelled better and punctuated better than that one letter you got from a girl in Massachusetts six weeks ago. But what kind of person doesn't respond to an earnest, hopeful letter from a child living in a HOMELESS SHELTER? Not even a postcard? How hard can you possibly suck?
Your New Enemy

Monday, October 04, 2004

Smart Dumb

Like most well-adjusted and confident adults, I derive great pleasure from hearing stories about very educated people, geniuses, or people in high positions who do dirt stupid things or are otherwise unfit to handle sharp objects. Ha ha! Professor so and so can't parallel park! Doctor whats-her-name takes gingko biloba! The president choked on a pretzel!

I usually think my boss is pretty stupid, because he can't understand the difference between positive and negative numbers, and because he can't dial 9 for an outside line. But he's just a working stiff so the stories lack punch. But a friend of mine once told me a tale about his boss' boss. My friend was in the bathroom, the men's bathroom, as he is a man, where he was peeing. He hears footsteps coming into the bathroom but they sound funny, kind of like high heels. He turns his head to see what the hell is going on and sees his boss' boss, who is not a man, standing in the men's bathroom looking surprised.

"Whoops," she says.
"Whoops," he agrees.

So this morning, the news announces that this woman, who cannot remember which bathroom she is supposed to use, has won a Nobel Prize.