Wednesday, February 28, 2007

vast and relentless, is the sea



Probably the weirdest compulsion I have is scotch tape. I love the smell of scotch tape but I can't just sniff it. I take pieces and play with them until they are gray and unsticky. At the end of the day there is a little pile in front of my keyboard. It is wasteful and I have tried to stop. Here are the ways you can quit your tape habit:
1. lotion on your hands interferes with the sensation of stick and pull that you get from fingers on tape
2. don't have tape at your desk
3. have some other kind of tape, tape that doesn't have the same delicious smell and stickyness. Substandard tape is not satisfying at all. Packing tape, masking tape, and removable tape are all crap. I need regular scotch tape.

I would eat it if it were edible. I am sure.

In other news, I have a persistent eyelid twitch that is uncomfortable. what would stop that? drugs? acupuncture? wishing? I do not think it is caused, as cartoons would have me believe, by stress. Nor do I drink any caffeine. I think it's just one of those things. I am getting old.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

nothing to report

At the present time, there's nothing interesting me that I feel like writing down. For one thing, it stresses me out to discuss child-related things. The threat, however imagined, of disapproval from others leaves me tongue-tied. Like, did you know some people don't approve of Pepsi-B for babies? Ridiculous. It has a B right in the name.

I don't even want to say "I'm back at work" because of my fear that people will say "How could you leave that sweet baby?" The answer is, I extracted my heart with a corkscrew. Or so it seemed.

So let's resort to lists. Here's a list of things that make me mildly weird.

1. I can't stand being asked "What are you reading?" when I have a book in my hand. Ever since I was a child this question has filled me with inexplicable and irrational rage. I have no theory about why this is.
2. I do not like shrimp, or cheesecake. I know other people find these luxury food items irresistible. I find them revolting. But that just leaves more for you!
3. Previously-mentioned fear of ocean and its inhabitants (extends to aquariums, which I have to sprint through, in order to not die of fear). I have been in the ocean maybe 2 or 3 times, cautiously, and each time ended with me hallucinating a giant fish brushing my legs and a comically flailing race back to the beach for a delicious dose of skin cancer. Apparently the real threat of melanoma scares me less than the purely imaginary threat of fish cooties. Go figure.