Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Public Service Denouncement

There are these ads on the trains apparently promoting abstinence or vague sexual restraint. They say "Make the first time, the best time!"
Okay, what the hell is that? Are they advocating a lifetime of ever-worsening sex? Damn, that is cold.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

The south is bitches redux, plus the midwest too

From time to time I channel my father and offhandedly diss all over hillbillies and country folk and barefoot appalachians and basically anyone not from here. "Damn, those Cardinals fans are FAT," I'll shout at the TV. "Must be all that pork!" Or I'm watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, and some snaggletoothed mother of 8 is weeping because there's a hole in her outhouse roof. "Lady, if you had fewer damn kids, maybe you'd have some money left over from your job at Walmart!" I snap.
My better half sniffs, "You're such a snob," which is quite true. "Why do you buy all those stereotypes they're feeding you?" she says.
"Look," I usually say, "TV didn't invent the fact that Kansas blacked out the word 'evolution' from all the textbooks. Those people are ignorant, poor, and under the thumb of the fundies." She rolls her eyes.
But from now on, I'm just going to say "W."
It might not turn her into a disgusting class warrior such as myself, but I think she'll get my point.


Listen up,'ve pissed me off for the last time, all right? I'm coming down there to punch your ballot! In the nuts! And Ohio, YOU'RE NEXT.