That's work lately. There is little for me to do. Desk still messy. Mostly it's papers, papers that technically could be filed, but I hate filing. Home has some of the same stuff. I figure that eventually, the piles of paper will biodegrade and return to the earth, in the circle of life. Right?
Adoption proceedings are proceeding. We had the interviews. I felt awkward. I do hate answering those kinds of questions--the "tell me about yourself" questions. Who doesn't? Well, this one dude at work. But he must be an exception. But it wasn't too bad. I think. We didn't get a big red stamp on our foreheads that says "BAD PARENT MATERIAL".
I have been thinking more and more lately about the actual waiting, matching, placing process. Some days, I feel like no one could ever possibly choose us as parents. We don't have a big house, or a backyard. We don't have a loyal family dog. We don't even have a car. We don't go to church, and our families live in other places. Strike, strike, strike, etc.
Other days I think, why not pick us? We're young. We're cute. We're fun and funny. We have educations. Jobs. We spend time with kids of all ages and we like it. We are great together. We have a cute place to live. We live in a nice city. It's diverse. It has good schools. Our families are excited. Our 17 year old cat proves we can take care of small crying things and stick with it. We have nice friends.
Other times I don't think about any of this stuff. I think about other people who have adopted. Lots of them have flaws, too. They're not perfect. They got a kid. Someone chose them, and they're doing okay.
Then I'll read about someone who never got chosen.
That's sad and I don't know what to think then. It's easy to see us in that position. That makes me glum, chum.
We haven't chosen a placing agency yet. That's hard.
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1 comment:
Shirky,
Saw you on Dawn's site and then read your site. I'm an adoptive mom and I was in your shoes waiting. It sucks. You don't think it will happen. You don't think anyone will pick you. Of course, everyone has flaws. When I was waiting people would give me helpful "tips." My sister told me about a woman who was a marketing executive and wrote a super letter and got matched and had a baby in her arms in two months! We had a mentally ill young woman (16) pretend to be a birth mother...I won't even go into the horrible details...Waiting sucks. But, we did get matched even though we didn't have the best house or make the most money.
The hard thing about adoption is that it's not fair and it's not equal. Coming on the tails of horrible infertility, it is just more unfairness and randomness that you have to deal with, and that gets old after a while.
But, keep your heart open. It WILL happen. It may take longer than your neighbor who adopted or the woman at your gym or the guy down the street, but you will adopt the perfect child for you.
I'm rooting for you.
HMBalison
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