Thursday, March 01, 2007

My Secret Identity

There is another person living nearby named Shirky McLazy. (that is, she shares my first and last names). She chooses not to have a home telephone or maybe not to list her number (did you know it costs extra to be unlisted? fuck that, sez me, I'm cheap). This creates a certain amount of annoyance for me, because anyone who looks her up in the phone book gets me and calls me and asks to speak with me and then informs me that I have a dentist appointment or offers condolences for having lost my job or other very alarming things.
Once I got a call from my cousin Amanda McLazy and she said she was in town, wasn't that great, and we chatted for a few minutes before I realized that both us Shirkys apparently had cousins named Amanda and this one was not the accomplished lobsterwoman from Maine that I had supposed. She was embarrassed but I tell the story at every family gathering, it amuses me so.
I have begun getting emails from the other one's mom (you'd think that your mother would know your effing address). Mom is obviously new to email cause she sends the kind of horrible, horrible forwards that I really should only come from your grandmother. I've emailed this woman a few times now gently explaining that I am not her daughter, I am not from Pittsburgh, stop emailing me crap poetry and urban legends, but maybe Bizarro Shirky has a wacky sense of humor cause Bizarro mom keeps coming back with "Ha ha! You're such a kidder! Love Mom!"
I wish I could use this whole situation for hilarious pranking but I can't really think of anything funny.

Someday I will run into the other one, and I can give her a bunch of messages. Until then...hope she doesn't rob any banks.

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