Sunday, July 16, 2006

my ebay advice to the world

If you're anything like me, you never read an ebay seller's feedback until a month has gone by since you paid for your ridiculous item with no sign of a package on your doorstep. Then, when you realize you may have bought something from the ebay equivalent of the guy who sells stolen library books down in the Common, you go and read all the feedbacks they've every gotten.
My advice to the world is to read what has been written, and then multiply it times "fuckin' A".
Everyone on ebay is a big ol wuss and is afraid to put down anything accurately negative. Or else someone will say something nasty back. Feedback deterrent. So when you read:
Was a bit testy in emails
you should think:
Writes in all caps, calls mother a whore

When you read:
Slow shipping
you should think:
Start your christmas shopping in May

When you read:
Some miscommunication
You should think:
Seller is dead, corpse does not answer emails

When you read:
Item arrived slightly damaged
you should think:
Seller employs a grizzly bear as packer/shipper.

When you read:
Item not as described
you should think:
Item was actually anthrax

My other advice to the world is, stay away from ebay. It is a delicious drug, but still a drug.


Chrisitne said...

But without eBay, where would I shop for baby clothes from the UK? cloth diapers? odd presents?

I have had only one bad experience with a purchase in about five years--but I'm also one of those buyers that does check the seller's rating.

Shirky said...

where else does one procure boxes of 25 dogeared children's books? Hand puppets by the dozen? Sacks of weird low-value foreign coins?

uh, not that I buy junk on ebay.